dexiboy 156 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Was walking thru the town 1 day and spotted a ned with his left shoe lace loose and I said mate your lace is is loose he replied haha it sayz on the label tiewan Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack1690 793 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 There was a guy walking along Argyle St with a lion on a lead & everyone was jumping out the way of them.A polis stopped and shouted, "Haw you, take that fucken lion to the zoo"!Guy says, "Ok".Next day guy was walking down Argyle St again with the lion on its lead.Same polis stopped and said, "Haw you, ah thought I told you yesterday to take that lion tae the zoo"?Guy says, "Ah did, Im taking him tae the pictures today". Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Londonderry_Bear 111 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 A celtic fan comes home one night to find his daughter masturbating with a cucumber. "That's disgusting" he says, "I have to eat that tonight and now it's gonna taste like cucumber" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheikh Salim 215 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 What does a ginger miss most about parties?The invitation Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hammer93 15,024 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 A teacher asks the class if anyone knows where Pakistan is?Wee billy puts his hands up and replies the wee cunts not Back fae lunch miss. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack1690 793 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Teacher.. "Billy, if you have five sweets & brendan asks for one. How many sweets do you have"?Billy.. "Five". Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stoorie 1,088 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Survey asks 1000 Celtic fans, " if Scotland gains independence, would you want to change the currency ?"1000 replies stated " No, just keep the Giro". Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
nigelx7 18 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 How do you circumcise a priest? Slap an altar boy on the back of the head.Two priest's were taking a piss in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two butts a day"! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince of Orange 84 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 What's fat, ginger and pregnant?Fu*k all! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WATP-FOREVER 5,231 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 My girlfriend broke up with me last night, saying that I was too kinky for her in the bedroom. I nearly choked on her piss when she told me!Why did the perevert cross the road, to get his cock out of the chicken.......... Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
keithgersbear 3,225 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Its true. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlighter 14 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Walter,Jesus and Lennon are all stuck on a boat about half a mile from shore.The boat starts to take on water. Jesus says "i'm Jesus and i can do anything so i'm out of here and he starts to walk across the water.Walter thinks, fuck sitting with this cunt,i'm off and he also walks across the water.Popcorn teeth thinks, if they can do it then so can i so in he jumps - splash - sink - drowned.Jesus turns to Walter and says "do you think we should have told him about the stepping stones?"Walter says "what fucking stepping stones?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stoorie 1,088 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 A priest is up talking to his flock after getting out of the Hospital and says" I'd just like to thank young declan for saving my life, if he hadn't noticed the lump on my testicle, I would not be taking todays communion". Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
foghorn leghorn 608 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Fuckin belter mate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albertz8 1 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 A young boy caught a priest masturbating this morning, what are you doing Father he asked. It's called wanking replied the priest, but don't worry you too shall be doing this soon. Why father the boy asked. Because my arms fycking killing me said the priest. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gogzy 31,195 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8a3_1346955456 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellfirejet 96 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear78 96 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 What tv show was that Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwhiteandblue 3,330 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 What tv show was that Scotch and Wry.Brilliant show Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
dunkybers 3 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Teacher.. "Billy, if you have five sweets & brendan asks for one. How many sweets do you have"?Billy.. "Five".that is fuckin magic, pmsl Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Dynamo 29 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 A guy came home early from work one day and finds his wife relaxing in bed. All looks well till he notices a cigar in the ash tray. He becomes furious and yells, “Where did that cigar come from?” A voice from under the bed says, “Havana!” Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Dynamo 29 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 This has been the wettest summer in over 100 years , apparently.Mr Grey has a lot to answer for. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHAMPS4LIFE 86 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 What's fat, ginger and pregnant?Fu*k all! Adel lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
As I Was Walking.... 100 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 A Tim was seen with just one shoe on " Oi you've lost a shoe" " Naw a've found one" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
dunkybers 3 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 watching the paralympics today made me wonder...If these cunts can run faster than I can...swim better than I can...lift heavier weights than I can... Why the fuck do they need to park closer to Asda than me...? Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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