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craigeee

Working on a romance novel...

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Here is an excerpt from the soon to be published working class teen romance novel, "Gelled Fringes & Wet Minges". More installments to come....

...as the others left, Nix suddenly realised it was just her and Big Smitz alone in the bushes. Nix felt a rush of anticipation. Would tonight be the night Big Smitz finally made his move? She looked at him, standing proud in the newest blue Lacoste tracksuit, his fingers adorned with large gold sovereign rings tightly grasping his bottle of Big Beastie, his gelled spikey fringe playfuly peeking out from under his baseball cap. It was easy to see why he was the talk of the girls' toilets.

It was just then that Big Smitz stepped closer. Nix was tingling through her whole body now. She tried to cover the fact her breathing was getting deeper, but wasn't sure if it was working. How could it? Big Smitz standing over you would be enough to make any girl go wild with desire.

Then he said it.

"You wantin pumped, or sumthin?"

Nix let out a gasp. Then, lip trembling, she replied "Aye, go fur it"

A smile crept across Big Smitz's acne scarred face and he said softly, "Quality, man".

Big Smitz wasted no time. After resting his bottle of Big Beastie on a tree stump, he hastily unzipped and removed her tracksuit top and pulled her t-shirt over her head. Nix became even more turned on by the fact he could do this so quickly without catching her large hooped earrings. He knew what he was doing.

"Let's git yer tits oot" he said whilst removing her bra. He hurled it into a shrub before he started kissing her breasts. Nix was begining to lose control of inhibitions. "Aw, fuckin brilliant" she approved, breathless. Smitz stood up and and began passionately kissing her. She could feel his swollen manhood pressing against her. He must have been at least five inches, by far the biggest she's come across thus far.

"You've got a text, It'sa niiice!" Declared a poorly impersonated Borat voice. Smitz, still kissing her, retrieved his mobile phone from his pocket and read the text behind her head. "Hoo's that?" Nix enquired.

"Charlene's wantin ridden an aw, but ah heard she's got herpes so she can git tae fuck!"

Nix laughed at her friend's misfortune as Smitz pulled her tracksuit bottoms and Winnie the Pooh thong down in one movement. It was then she noticed Smitz had laid her tracksuit top out on the ground to prevent her getting dirty when she lay down. A bad boy and a gentleman, any girl's dream combination.

As she lay down and removed her shoes and socks, followed by the tracksuit bottoms and thong that were still around her ankles, she noticed how damp she had become. Smitz positioned himself on his knees between between her now spread legs. He admired her pink slit. "Nice gash" he commented before working first one, then two sovereign ring clad fingers inside her. "You're fucking soaking" he informed her. Nix was breathing very heavily now. She stretched out and grasped nearby branches in ecstasy as he gently probed and explored every inch of her femininity. She tilted her head back, her eyes rolling back into her head. Suddenly, she felt a different, although not unpleasant, sensation. She looked down to see Smitz was pleasuring her with his bottle of Big Beastie whilst recording the act with his mobile. "That's just fur me" he explained. Nix was too caught up in the passion of the moment to care.

Smitz slid his tracksuit bottoms and Calvin Klien boxer shorts halfway down his thigh, exposing his manhood which was standing proudly at about the five inches she had felt earlier. "Your gittin pumped" he informed her.

"Have ye got a johnny?" she enquired

"Aye, bolt" Smitz retorted as he leaned forward and entered her. He immediately began thrusting rapidly, and after about 15 to 20 seconds of passion, he removed himself and shuffled on his knees to a kneeling position over her chest. He pleasured himself for a few seconds before delivering thick, creamy jets of his seed all over her face. Nix knew her make-up was ruined. "Whay! At least ah saved ye a trip tae Boots the morra, eh hen?"

Smitz stood up, returning his garments to their original positions as he did. It was at this moment Nix heard a rustling in the bushes. It seemed to be coming from all around her. Lying naked, she looked around worried. Suddenly, whilst letting out a cheer of "Whaaaaaaay!", all of their friends burst into the clearing. They started congratulating Smitz and photographing Nix with thier mobiles. She covered up as fast as she could but could hear from thier boasting that she wasn't quick enough.

"Here, switch on yer bluetooth and ah'll send ye a video of me stickin a bottle a Big Beastie up her" she heard Smitz shouting to his mates. It was then Nix realised she'd be on Youtube tommorow.

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The term PMSL is banded about far too often IMO but for this its spot on

I was already greeting when I got to this part

You're fucking soaking

and then I was sent right over the edge.

Amazing Craigee, I like how you changed your name to Smitz to try and remain anonymous :craphead:

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do you know it took me about 10 mins to read this. i was pmsl at the title "gelled fringes and wet minges"

brilliant :lol:

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FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!!! AMAZING MAN :lol:

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absolutely bloody fantastic :lol: :lol: :lol:

and like AB - i was already laughin ma head off at the title :lol:

brilliant!! your best yet craigeee (tu)

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Best thing I've read all year!!!!

Still shuddering with laughter as I type.

You HAVE to write more.

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PMSL! :lol: :lol:

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:lol:

It was the Whinnie the Pooh thong that sent me over the edge!

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I think your a tad frustrated craigee.......

soooooo found you a friend

A chimpanzee has taken up smoking and spitting, according to China's Xinhua news agency.

It is unclear why Feili, 13, has started smoking but her zoo keeper said it was because she was frustrated.

She has turned from a "gentle girl" into a "shrew", said Liu Bing, director of Zhengzhou zoo, Henan province.

Mr Liu said Feili's partner at the zoo was 28 years her senior, and was unable "to meet her sexual demands".

Feili was not addicted to nicotine, he said, but was just imitating tourists.

However, she does appear to be quite keen on smoking - and has been known to resort to desperate measures to get what she wants.

Xinhua reported that Feili became excited when she saw a visitor light up a cigarette, and grew impatient when they showed no sign of giving it to her.

It quoted one boy visiting the zoo as saying: "Just now a tourist threw a cigarette butt to just outside the cage - she tried to get the butt with a stick."

_40018218_chimp203_maxppp.jpg

gime a kiss big boy

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The funniest thread in RM history. Your a genius mate.

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has to be done craigeee!!!

Rm's resident comedian!

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this is without a dout the funniest thread i have seen for ages.

Does anyone remember the kicks dog thread that one made me chuckle too.

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