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craigeee

Working on a romance novel...

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this is without a dout the funniest thread i have seen for ages.

Does anyone remember the kicks dog thread that one made me chuckle too.

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Big Smitz had always been the darling of the young team , you wanted somebody to get a kicking? call Big Smitz. Can’t get served for yer kergo? Call Big Smitz. He was always there for the sqwad and always would be, but he had one weakness. Grade A fanny. A stunner came along and Big Smitz wasn’t the hard case he usually was. He had wit , he had charm, he had the latest lacoste tracksuits and the ladies loved it.

It was just like any other Friday night for Smitz, Bottle of Mad Dog had already been purchased and consumed at record pace. Downing a bottle of strong alcohol in the quickest time possible was always held in high regard amongst Smitz’s pals and cheers of “Quality man†and “Yassss†could be heard for miles as he tanned that Mad Dog in record time.

After drinking quite a large amount Smitz was beginning to feel somewhat in the mood for someone to have intercourse with. “I’m gasping for some hole man†he told Gav fae the scheme. Gav,always the helpful friend remembered he had earlier in the week met a mate of his birds who he felt would be perfect for Smitz.

“Smitz, ye huv goat tae meet this wee hunny that Charlene is mates with.. Donna.., fucking Grade A front bum, ye’d love her!â€.

Smitz always open to the suggestion of “Grade A front bum†excitedly queried “Whit’s her phone number?â€.

After entering the number into his phone he dialled away getting ready to work his charm when she answered the phone.

“Hello†…

“Hi, is this donna… It’s Big Smitz, ma mate gied is yer number, ye know Gav – Charlenes boyfriend?â€

. “Aye…I know him…whit’s he geein’ ye ma number fur though, fucking mad rocketâ€.

“He telt me yer a wee stunner an that me and you would be fucking quality togetherâ€..

“I don’t even know whit ye look like , ye could be a pure fuckin’ horror!â€

“me a horror, ye obviously huv never heard ae big smitz fae the PYT!, ah’ll send ye a picâ€.

So Big Smitz hung up the phone and browsed through his images on his state of the art camera phone that his mother had purchased for his christmas. He had quite the choice of pictures to send her , but decided to opt for a particularly fetching picture of him showing off his thug life tattoo on his stomach whilst holding a bottle of buckfast in one hand and a blade in the other. “If this doesn’t get her gash drookit, fuckin’ nothing willâ€, Smitz smiled to himself.

“Image Sent†appeared on his telephone… It was just a matter of time before Big Smitz would be penetrating her slippery wet mound, no woman in her right mind could resist him and Donna was to be no different. Smitz had pleasured pretty much every female in his local area and was often called by the term of endearment “the mad shaggerâ€.

“Message Received†– Aw whit man, ah know who you ur, ah saw ye doon the spar a few times.. yer a pure stunna. Tb xmwahx .

Smitz, happy with the reply knew that this bird was only hours away from getting the best sex of her life. “She’s gittttttttttttttttttin’ pumped rotten†he thought to himself.

“mon oot , meet me doon the spar then in an hour and ah’ll show ye whit a stunner big smitz is†he hurriedly texted.

Smitz knew the perfect spot to get this girl beasted and he already had a raging stauner at the thought of what lay ahead. Although Smitz was renowned for his sexual prowess and ladies man antics, he had been thinking for quite a while of settling down with a bird to call his own. He often longed for going skating with that special someone, or even winching the face off someone who meant something to him at a bus stop.

An hour came, and Smitz headed towards the Spar, he really should have asked for a picture of Donna, but he trusted Gav’s opinion on fanny and had never been let down by him before. Swaggering over towards the spar like only the leader of a young team can, he spotted a girl standing by the doorway dressed all in white. Smitz felt as if he had just saw an angel, her tracksuit giving off an almost spiritual glow.

He knew right away that this bird was different, he hadn’t even spoke to her yet and he was already planning what chain to get her from the argos catalogue. Walking casually over he calmly said to her “Awrite pal, am big smitz…donna aye?â€.

“Ayeâ€..she nervously replied, she had never felt a rush of sexual arousement just by hearing someone speak before but Smitz’s high pitched nasal accent drove her wild with desire. Her gash was absolutely dripping wet and the fun hadn’t even begun……….

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:craphead:

Another quality bit of writing from Craigeee :lol: :lol:

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Man that's just class.

Pure class.

Can't wait for part 3.

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Big Smitz had always been the darling of the young team , you wanted somebody to get a kicking? call Big Smitz. Can’t get served for yer kergo? Call Big Smitz. He was always there for the sqwad and always would be, but he had one weakness. Grade A fanny. A stunner came along and Big Smitz wasn’t the hard case he usually was. He had wit , he had charm, he had the latest lacoste tracksuits and the ladies loved it.

It was just like any other Friday night for Smitz, Bottle of Mad Dog had already been purchased and consumed at record pace. Downing a bottle of strong alcohol in the quickest time possible was always held in high regard amongst Smitz’s pals and cheers of “Quality man†and “Yassss†could be heard for miles as he tanned that Mad Dog in record time.

After drinking quite a large amount Smitz was beginning to feel somewhat in the mood for someone to have intercourse with. “I’m gasping for some hole man†he told Gav fae the scheme. Gav,always the helpful friend remembered he had earlier in the week met a mate of his birds who he felt would be perfect for Smitz.

“Smitz, ye huv goat tae meet this wee hunny that Charlene is mates with.. Donna.., fucking Grade A front bum, ye’d love her!â€.

Smitz always open to the suggestion of “Grade A front bum†excitedly queried “Whit’s her phone number?â€.

After entering the number into his phone he dialled away getting ready to work his charm when she answered the phone.

“Hello†…

“Hi, is this donna… It’s Big Smitz, ma mate gied is yer number, ye know Gav – Charlenes boyfriend?â€

. “Aye…I know him…whit’s he geein’ ye ma number fur though, fucking mad rocketâ€.

“He telt me yer a wee stunner an that me and you would be fucking quality togetherâ€..

“I don’t even know whit ye look like , ye could be a pure fuckin’ horror!â€

“me a horror, ye obviously huv never heard ae big smitz fae the PYT!, ah’ll send ye a picâ€.

So Big Smitz hung up the phone and browsed through his images on his state of the art camera phone that his mother had purchased for his christmas. He had quite the choice of pictures to send her , but decided to opt for a particularly fetching picture of him showing off his thug life tattoo on his stomach whilst holding a bottle of buckfast in one hand and a blade in the other. “If this doesn’t get her gash drookit, fuckin’ nothing willâ€, Smitz smiled to himself.

“Image Sent†appeared on his telephone… It was just a matter of time before Big Smitz would be penetrating her slippery wet mound, no woman in her right mind could resist him and Donna was to be no different. Smitz had pleasured pretty much every female in his local area and was often called by the term of endearment “the mad shaggerâ€.

“Message Received†– Aw whit man, ah know who you ur, ah saw ye doon the spar a few times.. yer a pure stunna. Tb xmwahx .

Smitz, happy with the reply knew that this bird was only hours away from getting the best sex of her life. “She’s gittttttttttttttttttin’ pumped rotten†he thought to himself.

“mon oot , meet me doon the spar then in an hour and ah’ll show ye whit a stunner big smitz is†he hurriedly texted.

Smitz knew the perfect spot to get this girl beasted and he already had a raging stauner at the thought of what lay ahead. Although Smitz was renowned for his sexual prowess and ladies man antics, he had been thinking for quite a while of settling down with a bird to call his own. He often longed for going skating with that special someone, or even winching the face off someone who meant something to him at a bus stop.

An hour came, and Smitz headed towards the Spar, he really should have asked for a picture of Donna, but he trusted Gav’s opinion on fanny and had never been let down by him before. Swaggering over towards the spar like only the leader of a young team can, he spotted a girl standing by the doorway dressed all in white. Smitz felt as if he had just saw an angel, her tracksuit giving off an almost spiritual glow.

He knew right away that this bird was different, he hadn’t even spoke to her yet and he was already planning what chain to get her from the argos catalogue. Walking casually over he calmly said to her “Awrite pal, am big smitz…donna aye?â€.

“Ayeâ€..she nervously replied, she had never felt a rush of sexual arousement just by hearing someone speak before but Smitz’s high pitched nasal accent drove her wild with desire. Her gash was absolutely dripping wet and the fun hadn’t even begun……….

PMSL! :lol:

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Craigeee is a Legend

Craigeee is a Legend

Na Na Na Na

Na Na Na Na!!!

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And you write this...WHILST at work ? :lol:

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This was done last night :lol: soon I won't even need to work... the book deal will come along and I will be the scheme's answer to JK Rowling.

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fantastic!! another great chapter!! :lol:

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30510485188.jpg

And this year's Booker prize goes to... oor man craigeee! :lw:

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hurry up and get part 3 posted

hooked already :lol:

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i've nothing else to do just now until I go purchase tonights alcohol so i'll treat you all with another excerpt...

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i've nothing else to do just now until I go purchase tonights alcohol so i'll treat you all with another excerpt...

Are you writing with one hand? :craphead:

OR

Do you have to go and "make" the stories first?

:lol:

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