BLUEDIGNITY 33,638 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 SELLICK SUPPORTERS ASSOCIATION APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP. PERSONAL DETAILS 1. Forenames (furst and confurmation names): John paul/Michael/sean/Patrick/Brendan/Finbar/Dermott* *Please delete any that don’t apply 2. Surname (last name): O’……………*Pease complete 3. Age (mental not physical): q 4. Sex (Guess if unsure): q 5. Fathers name :- (If unknown list 3 suspects)…………………………………………. 6. Nationality q Irish q Scots/Irish q Not British 7. Which best describes your place of residence? q At her majesty’s pleasure q The great eastern q A pish soaked doorway q 2 Rent-free coonsil hooses knocked into 1 at tax payers expense to accommodate all your weans 8. How many illegitimate little scumbags have you spawned? q 10+ q 20+ q Cannae count q Never hud ma hole 9. Your employment record? q Never been employed q Unemployable q Employed crowbar tae screw the chemists 10. How would you describe your personality? q Bitter q Twisted q Bitter & twisted q Poisonous q Absent INTELLIGENCE 11. Can you count up to ten with your shoe’s on? q Yes q No 12. Can you count up to 21 with your fly up? q Yes q No 13. Can you count at all? q Yes q No 14. What is your I.Q.? q -10 q 10-20 q Your shoe size q Room temperature MEDICAL INFORMATION 15. Do you have any distinguishing features (tick at least three) q Thick wirey ginger hair q Deathly pale complexion q Big joined up ginger freckles q Buck teeth q Big juggy lugs q Greasy hair q Dark sunken eyes q Clapped in jaws q Facial scarring q One thick eyebrow stretching across your forehead qBandy legs qA hump q Amusingly shaped cranium q Limbs of equal lengths q Needle marks on arms q Tattoo’s 16. What tattoo do you have? q Sellick Crest q Irish Tri-colour q Shamrock q Henrick Larsson q Your broo number 17. Do you suffer from any of the following? q Body odour q Halitosis q Smelly feet q Acne q Warts q STD’s q Mysterious voices LEASURE & RECREATION 18. How do you spend your leisure time? q Sports complex q Care in the community complex q Paranoid persecution complex q Deep rooted guilt complex q The question is too complex 19. How often do you have a bath? q Monthly q Birthdays q Christmas q Leap years q When it rains q What’s a bath 20. Do you still batter your wife? Yes/No* *Delete as appropriate 21. Has your priest ever touched you down there? Yes/No *If no please go to question 21 22. What are your favourite foods? q Irish stew q Potatoes q Cabbage q Potatoes q Dugshite q Communion wafers q Potatoes q Fish (Fridays only) 23. What are your favourite drinks? q Bushmills q Murphy’s q Guinness q Buckfast q Guinness/Bucky Snakebite q Meths q Furniture polish q Communion wine q Father O’Flaherty’s salty penance paste 24. What are your favourite records? q Fields of athenrye q Gypsies, tramps & thieves q Dueling banjo’s (theme from deliverance) q Ma criminal record q Guinness book of records q The Daily Record 25. What are your hobbies/Pastimes? (Please tick those that don’t apply………if any) q Squeezin ma plooks q Exposing myself q Masturbation (even though I’ll burn in hell) q Sexually assaulting my kids q Tannin’ hooses qTannin’ motors qMugging qStealing q Collecting rare & contagious skin disorders q Urinating in ma sink qUrinating in ma trousers q Stealing wheel trims q Stealing clothes from washing lines q Stealing clothes from jakeys q Cultivating a gallus wee spikey fringe that sticks oot the bottom of ma baseball cap q Religiously attending confession on Sunday so ah don’t burn in the bad fire for all the above q Telling h*** they will burn in the bad fire because they simply don’t have our high moral standards SELLICK SECTION 26. How long have you supported sellick? q Lifetime q Since 1967 q Since the new strip came out q Since they started winning again 27. How often do you see matches? q Every game q Every home game q Every game we look like winning q When its on in the pub q When day release permits q When its on in Dixon’s windae 28. How do you pay for your season ticket? q Giro q Provident q A big bag of ginger bottles q Selling the Big Issue q Get ma sister pregnant again and use the additional family credit 29. Where were you when Celtic won the European cup? q Supporting St Mirren, but it was the best day of my life q No interest in football, but it was the best day of my life q wasn’t born, but it was the best day of my life q Having sex at the St Columba Club, he was the best Knight of my life q Robbing the chip shop. (Evidence on shoulder must be provided) 30. What would you rather see Sellick win? q SPL q Premiership q Champions league q Irish league q Fights outside Baird’s bar 31. Do you own any of the following? q A replica Sellick tap q A cheap as fuck retro style Eire tap q A pogues T-shirt q Lisbon lions 1967 commemorative pyjamas q Balaclava and a combat jacket q Pope John Paul II on tour at Bellhouston park ’82 souvenir rosary beads 32. Have your kids managed to get into Sellick Boys Club? q Yes q No, but the Club are dead keen to get into them 33. In your own words please explain the silent T in Celtic (Continue on a separate betting slip if necessary) …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. 34. Please state your main reason for joining our secure unit supporters club. q Near home q Near Barlinnie q Near ma social worker q Near carstairs q Need to join a gang as part of the overwhelming “them and us” Irish mentality q To increase my chances of finding employment with Glasgow City Council Please complete the following declaration: (If in any doubt, just ask your carer, social worker, parole officer, etc tae pit yer name in the wee boaxes) I, _______O’________being of feeble paranoid mind and hideously grotesque Coupon do hereby declare my undying allegiance to His Holyness the Pope John Paul; The Virgin Mary, Cardinal Winning (God rest his soul), St Patrick, Billy Connolly, The Irish Republic, Rod Stewart, Mother Theresa and the little sisters of the poor, Bono fae U2, Gerry Adams, The Knights of St Columba and the chairman of Sellick Football Club. I will not bring the bad name of Sellick Football Club into good repute through any of my actions, nor will I indulge in any practices, which maybe considered socially acceptable. I shall hate THEM and all things British with rabid fervour and endeavour at all times(including lent) to uphold the long standing Irish underclass traditions of Sellick Football Club in accordance with the rules and regulations of oor mob and will not seek to integrate with society as a whole in any way, shape or form. Honest. Signed.____________________________ Date.__________ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
minstral 5,375 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 top class. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_glasgow 2 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 made me chuckle Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenose_Pete 4 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 whats with the q's confused me tae fuck when reading it lol. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyadore 9 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 brilliant! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLUEDIGNITY 33,638 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 whats with the q's confused me tae fuck when reading it lol. It's meant to be boxes you tick pardon the pun, just did a copy and paste and thats wot I got ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluenose_Pete 4 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 ahhhhhhh i thought it was meant to be part of the joke haha Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny 9 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Musta seen that one 86 times now. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLUEDIGNITY 33,638 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 Musta seen that one 86 times now. You should have put it in as post when you saw it first 86 times ago. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
OlegKuznetsov 10,816 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Musta seen that one 86 times now. You should have put it in as post when you saw it first 86 times ago. He was too busy filling it out! (Just a joke. Unknot knickers now.) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLUEDIGNITY 33,638 Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Musta seen that one 86 times now. You should have put it in as post when you saw it first 86 times ago. He was too busy filling it out! (Just a joke. Unknot knickers now.) Boom boom Oleg ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest johngers Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaffbear 4,096 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Nice one BD Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodz 98 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Haha, butey. god them sellik offishals like to be generous with the questions, they've missed oot a few answers (ones for the lesser fans) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coopermania 1 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 21. Has your priest ever touched you down there? Yes/No Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
trueblue86 0 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 21. Has your priest ever touched you down there? Yes/No I liked the question below that... "if no go to question 21!" that made me laugh Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
OlegKuznetsov 10,816 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 21. Has your priest ever touched you down there? Yes/No I liked the question below that... "if no go to question 21!" that made me laugh Surely the "/No" bit is unnecessary. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_RFC87 761 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I've seen a different version of it, still makes me laugh every time though Very good Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ben dirs 10 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ulsterbear91 18 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 That made me laugh so much, Gingies lmao. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigAmo 13 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Goddammit that was the funniest thing easily I've read all day/week/month *Please check that applies. "Please go to question 21" i about pissed myself. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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