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Well seemed tongue in cheek to me:

Graeme Macpherson

0 comments

Published on 29 Sep 2009

Rangers 4-5-1

ALLAN McGREGOR The goalkeeper will be scratching 
his head this morning wondering how he ended up losing four 
goals. Had little chance at any 
of them 6

STEVEN WHITTAKER More crosses than the closing scene from Monty Python’s Life of 
Brian. Relatively solid at the 
back although didn’t look too clever at third goal 6

MADJID BOUGHERRA Typical cautious performance from the Algerian centre-back-cum-centre-forward, reluctant to leave 
his own half. Ha, not really. 
Surely must have a clone 7

DAVID WEIR Spent half of the evening wondering where Bougherra had got to, like an anxious parent waiting by the window for their child to return from a school disco 6

SASA PAPAC Handy that the Bosnian used to play at centre-half as he spent half the night covering for either Bougherra or Weir. Had a Gazza moment early in the second half when he only just failed to connect with Whittaker’s deep cross 6

KEVIN THOMSON The midfielder was busier than a bee on commission. Second-half shot well tipped over by Palop but 
could do little to prevent the 
late onslaught 7

STEVEN DAVIS Recovered from flu to return to side though the Northern Irishman should surely know by now not to run about in the rain without a sensible jacket and wellies on 6

LEE McCULLOCH Rangers 
fans overheard comparing him to Didier Zokora. Or maybe they were just calling him a big diddy. Volleyed over in the first half then did the same with his head after the break 6

PEDRO MENDES The Portuguese was back from suspension to 
add moments of creativity although Zokora stuck to him 
like a second skin 6

JEROME ROTHEN Possesses a left-foot that could open a tin of peas. A handy man to have in the kitchen or on a picnic. Found no takers from his free-kicks or corners, though 6

STEVEN NAISMITH The upgraded version of Kenny Miller; lots of running, precious little service, and denied what looked a clear-cut penalty. Tireless shift from the striker 7

Substitutes

KRIS BOYD Sent on with 
Rangers losing 3-0. Must have been delighted at the prospect. Missed decent chance 5

NACHO NOVO As above but with added point for splendid consolation goal 6

Sevilla 4-4-2

ANDRES PALOP Hero of the 
2007 UEFA Cup Final at Hampden must love coming to Glasgow. 
And probably think it rains all the time. Couple of decent saves 6

ABDOULAY KONKO He and the referee go way back. Must be the only reason why he wasn’t penalised for tripping Naismith in the box in the first half. Scored opening goal when he shouldn’t have been on the park 6

JULIEN ESCUDE Must have 
spent the game wondering how this blonde, short guy kept beating him in the air. Otherwise comfortable 6

SEBASTIEN SQUILLACI The spare man at the back at plenty 
of time on his hands. Probably spent most of it wondering why Dado Prso was always banging on about how great Glasgow is 6

FERNANDO NAVARRO No relation to Dave of Jane’s Addiction fame. Which would have allowed us to have made a lame gag 
about him being caught stealing (several yards at a throw-in) 6

JESUS NAVAS Winger suffers from chronic homesickness so popped into Bairds Bar for a pint just to hear people talking about Seville again. Should have scored in first half but shot well over the crossbar 6

LOLO Or Manuel Ortiz Toribio 
as his mother probably calls him. But not when she wants something done in a hurry. 
Well shackled by McCulloch 5

DIDIER ZOKORA Such good mates with Mendes from their time together at Spurs he spent most of the game following him about for a chat 6

ADRIANO So versatile the 
Spanish call him Lee McCulloch. Just not to his face. Swept in the second goal from left midfield to seal the win for Sevilla 7

LUIS FABIANO Nicknamed 
‘O Fabuloso’ which in English means “no’ bad at all”. Came to life in second half, scoring his team’s third 7

FREDI KANOUTE Head and shoulders above the Rangers defence. Literally and metaphorically. Scored Sevilla fourth late before being taken away for a wee rest 7

Substitutes

DIEGO CAPEL Was thrown on to test tiring legs and further infuriate what was left of an already apoplectic crowd. 
Booked for diving. 5

ALVARO NEGREDO Allowed 
on but only if he shared his win bonus with the rest of the subs 5

NDRI ROMARIC On to test the announcer’s pronunciation 4

http://www.heraldscotland.com/sport/spl/ra...atings-1.923023

Wouldn't usually post player ratings but wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at some of these. Its probably in a style I admire if it wasn't a bit much over the piece.

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Here's mine:

McGREGOR-Inadequate (5/10). Kept team in it in first half, but a world-class keeper really should by the law of average have saved a couple of the 4 shots on target Sevilla had in the 2nd half.

WHITTAKER-Disaster(3). All 4 goals came from his side. Played man onside at 1st. Missed header at 3rd. Lost man at 2nd. Never a defender in a month of Sundays. Bring back Kirk Broadfoot, who is at least a real defender. Whittaker is a half-decent wide midfielder, nothing else.

WEIR-Past it(4). Another player being found out in the Champions League, a level he would not have been out of place at 5 years ago, but not today. A model professional, but this must be his last season in a light blue shirt.

BOUGHERRA(4)-Found out. Seemed to want to take on entire Sevilla side single-handed, when really should have been mounting a damage limitation exercise. His Amoruso style runs are allright in the diddy SPL league, but like Amo it costs us in Europe. We lose too many goals to cross balls with him in defence.

PAPAC-Average(5). You know what to expect from Papac, but it isn't much. Unlucky not to score.

MENDES-Also found out(4). Looks world class in the SPL. Looked anonymous in the Champions League. Hence why he is playing in the SPL.

McCULLOCH-Non existent(3). Actually looks good in central midfield in SPL. Which just shows how poor the SPL is..

THOMSON-Poor(4). Hasn't impressed at this level at all. Are there still question marks over his fitness?

ROTHEN-Disappointing(4). Looking to get into the France squad for the World Cup. No chance on this performance.

DAVIS-Ok(5). Possibly the one current Rangers player who could get into a really top-class side. But not good enough to make up for the deficiencies of his colleagues at this level.

NAISMITH-Hopeless(4). Given an impossible mission and while trying hard, it is simply beyond him. Playing up front in a 4-6-0 formation might have been beyond either of Seville's strikers as well, though..

WALTER SMITH-Despairing. Going into the Champions League with a team of ex-Kilmarnock and Hibs players was never going to work. Ultra-defensive tactics succeeded in 2008, but now the defence is pooper without Hutton and Cuellar. Without money to spend, no manager is going to win the Champions League with Rangers, but surely we should be at least giving these teams a hard game at Ibrox??

No doubt I will be called a tim, etc, for criticizing that performance, but LOSING 4 GOALS AT HOME (or indeed away) TO ANY TEAM IS SIMPLY NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR RANGERS FOOTBALL CLUB. Seville had a world-class forward line, but nothing special in midfield and looked poor defensively. A big English club would beat them 3-0 at home easy. They are not in the same class as the Barcelona team we drew 0-0 at Ibrox with, or indeed the Juventus side who beat us 4-0 back in '95. If we had attacked them from the start, we would have scored the first goal, and then, only then, we could have defended. Seeing Rangers play for a 0-0 draw at Ibrox is not acceptable. We got what we deserved last night..

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Well seemed tongue in cheek to me:

Graeme Macpherson

0 comments

Published on 29 Sep 2009

Rangers 4-5-1

ALLAN McGREGOR The goalkeeper will be scratching 
his head this morning wondering how he ended up losing four 
goals. Had little chance at any 
of them 6

STEVEN WHITTAKER More crosses than the closing scene from Monty Python’s Life of 
Brian. Relatively solid at the 
back although didn’t look too clever at third goal 6

MADJID BOUGHERRA Typical cautious performance from the Algerian centre-back-cum-centre-forward, reluctant to leave 
his own half. Ha, not really. 
Surely must have a clone 7

smith

DAVID WEIR Spent half of the evening wondering where Bougherra had got to, like an anxious parent waiting by the window for their child to return from a school disco 6

SASA PAPAC Handy that the Bosnian used to play at centre-half as he spent half the night covering for either Bougherra or Weir. Had a Gazza moment early in the second half when he only just failed to connect with Whittaker’s deep cross 6

KEVIN THOMSON The midfielder was busier than a bee on commission. Second-half shot well tipped over by Palop but 
could do little to prevent the 
late onslaught 7

STEVEN DAVIS Recovered from flu to return to side though the Northern Irishman should surely know by now not to run about in the rain without a sensible jacket and wellies on 6

LEE McCULLOCH Rangers 
fans overheard comparing him to Didier Zokora. Or maybe they were just calling him a big diddy. Volleyed over in the first half then did the same with his head after the break 6

PEDRO MENDES The Portuguese was back from suspension to 
add moments of creativity although Zokora stuck to him 
like a second skin 6

JEROME ROTHEN Possesses a left-foot that could open a tin of peas. A handy man to have in the kitchen or on a picnic. Found no takers from his free-kicks or corners, though 6

STEVEN NAISMITH The upgraded version of Kenny Miller; lots of running, precious little service, and denied what looked a clear-cut penalty. Tireless shift from the striker 7

Substitutes

KRIS BOYD Sent on with 
Rangers losing 3-0. Must have been delighted at the prospect. Missed decent chance 5

NACHO NOVO As above but with added point for splendid consolation goal 6

Sevilla 4-4-2

ANDRES PALOP Hero of the 
2007 UEFA Cup Final at Hampden must love coming to Glasgow. 
And probably think it rains all the time. Couple of decent saves 6

ABDOULAY KONKO He and the referee go way back. Must be the only reason why he wasn’t penalised for tripping Naismith in the box in the first half. Scored opening goal when he shouldn’t have been on the park 6

JULIEN ESCUDE Must have 
spent the game wondering how this blonde, short guy kept beating him in the air. Otherwise comfortable 6

SEBASTIEN SQUILLACI The spare man at the back at plenty 
of time on his hands. Probably spent most of it wondering why Dado Prso was always banging on about how great Glasgow is 6

FERNANDO NAVARRO No relation to Dave of Jane’s Addiction fame. Which would have allowed us to have made a lame gag 
about him being caught stealing (several yards at a throw-in) 6

JESUS NAVAS Winger suffers from chronic homesickness so popped into Bairds Bar for a pint just to hear people talking about Seville again. Should have scored in first half but shot well over the crossbar 6

LOLO Or Manuel Ortiz Toribio 
as his mother probably calls him. But not when she wants something done in a hurry. 
Well shackled by McCulloch 5

DIDIER ZOKORA Such good mates with Mendes from their time together at Spurs he spent most of the game following him about for a chat 6

ADRIANO So versatile the 
Spanish call him Lee McCulloch. Just not to his face. Swept in the second goal from left midfield to seal the win for Sevilla 7

LUIS FABIANO Nicknamed 
‘O Fabuloso’ which in English means “no’ bad at all”. Came to life in second half, scoring his team’s third 7

FREDI KANOUTE Head and shoulders above the Rangers defence. Literally and metaphorically. Scored Sevilla fourth late before being taken away for a wee rest 7

Substitutes

DIEGO CAPEL Was thrown on to test tiring legs and further infuriate what was left of an already apoplectic crowd. 
Booked for diving. 5

ALVARO NEGREDO Allowed 
on but only if he shared his win bonus with the rest of the subs 5

NDRI ROMARIC On to test the announcer’s pronunciation 4

http://www.heraldscotland.com/sport/spl/ra...atings-1.923023

Wouldn't usually post player ratings but wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at some of these. Its probably in a style I admire if it wasn't a bit much over the piece.

naismith was the best player.my opinion.
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Here's mine:

McGREGOR-Inadequate (5/10). Kept team in it in first half, but a world-class keeper really should by the law of average have saved a couple of the 4 shots on target Sevilla had in the 2nd half.

WHITTAKER-Disaster(3). All 4 goals came from his side. Played man onside at 1st. Missed header at 3rd. Lost man at 2nd. Never a defender in a month of Sundays. Bring back Kirk Broadfoot, who is at least a real defender. Whittaker is a half-decent wide midfielder, nothing else.

WEIR-Past it(4). Another player being found out in the Champions League, a level he would not have been out of place at 5 years ago, but not today. A model professional, but this must be his last season in a light blue shirt.

BOUGHERRA(4)-Found out. Seemed to want to take on entire Sevilla side single-handed, when really should have been mounting a damage limitation exercise. His Amoruso style runs are allright in the diddy SPL league, but like Amo it costs us in Europe. We lose too many goals to cross balls with him in defence.

PAPAC-Average(5). You know what to expect from Papac, but it isn't much. Unlucky not to score.

MENDES-Also found out(4). Looks world class in the SPL. Looked anonymous in the Champions League. Hence why he is playing in the SPL.

McCULLOCH-Non existent(3). Actually looks good in central midfield in SPL. Which just shows how poor the SPL is..

THOMSON-Poor(4). Hasn't impressed at this level at all. Are there still question marks over his fitness?

ROTHEN-Disappointing(4). Looking to get into the France squad for the World Cup. No chance on this performance.

DAVIS-Ok(5). Possibly the one current Rangers player who could get into a really top-class side. But not good enough to make up for the deficiencies of his colleagues at this level.

NAISMITH-Hopeless(4). Given an impossible mission and while trying hard, it is simply beyond him. Playing up front in a 4-6-0 formation might have been beyond either of Seville's strikers as well, though..

WALTER SMITH-Despairing. Going into the Champions League with a team of ex-Kilmarnock and Hibs players was never going to work. Ultra-defensive tactics succeeded in 2008, but now the defence is pooper without Hutton and Cuellar. Without money to spend, no manager is going to win the Champions League with Rangers, but surely we should be at least giving these teams a hard game at Ibrox??

No doubt I will be called a tim, etc, for criticizing that performance, but LOSING 4 GOALS AT HOME (or indeed away) TO ANY TEAM IS SIMPLY NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR RANGERS FOOTBALL CLUB. Seville had a world-class forward line, but nothing special in midfield and looked poor defensively. A big English club would beat them 3-0 at home easy. They are not in the same class as the Barcelona team we drew 0-0 at Ibrox with, or indeed the Juventus side who beat us 4-0 back in '95. If we had attacked them from the start, we would have scored the first goal, and then, only then, we could have defended. Seeing Rangers play for a 0-0 draw at Ibrox is not acceptable. We got what we deserved last night..

Well done on that score, the rest is pish ---------------------> to KDS

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Well seemed tongue in cheek to me:

Graeme Macpherson

0 comments

Published on 29 Sep 2009

Rangers 4-5-1

ALLAN McGREGOR The goalkeeper will be scratching 
his head this morning wondering how he ended up losing four 
goals. Had little chance at any 
of them 6

STEVEN WHITTAKER More crosses than the closing scene from Monty Python’s Life of 
Brian. Relatively solid at the 
back although didn’t look too clever at third goal 6

MADJID BOUGHERRA Typical cautious performance from the Algerian centre-back-cum-centre-forward, reluctant to leave 
his own half. Ha, not really. 
Surely must have a clone 7

DAVID WEIR Spent half of the evening wondering where Bougherra had got to, like an anxious parent waiting by the window for their child to return from a school disco 6

SASA PAPAC Handy that the Bosnian used to play at centre-half as he spent half the night covering for either Bougherra or Weir. Had a Gazza moment early in the second half when he only just failed to connect with Whittaker’s deep cross 6

KEVIN THOMSON The midfielder was busier than a bee on commission. Second-half shot well tipped over by Palop but 
could do little to prevent the 
late onslaught 7

STEVEN DAVIS Recovered from flu to return to side though the Northern Irishman should surely know by now not to run about in the rain without a sensible jacket and wellies on 6

LEE McCULLOCH Rangers 
fans overheard comparing him to Didier Zokora. Or maybe they were just calling him a big diddy. Volleyed over in the first half then did the same with his head after the break 6

PEDRO MENDES The Portuguese was back from suspension to 
add moments of creativity although Zokora stuck to him 
like a second skin 6

JEROME ROTHEN Possesses a left-foot that could open a tin of peas. A handy man to have in the kitchen or on a picnic. Found no takers from his free-kicks or corners, though 6

STEVEN NAISMITH The upgraded version of Kenny Miller; lots of running, precious little service, and denied what looked a clear-cut penalty. Tireless shift from the striker 7

Substitutes

KRIS BOYD Sent on with 
Rangers losing 3-0. Must have been delighted at the prospect. Missed decent chance 5

NACHO NOVO As above but with added point for splendid consolation goal 6

Sevilla 4-4-2

ANDRES PALOP Hero of the 
2007 UEFA Cup Final at Hampden must love coming to Glasgow. 
And probably think it rains all the time. Couple of decent saves 6

ABDOULAY KONKO He and the referee go way back. Must be the only reason why he wasn’t penalised for tripping Naismith in the box in the first half. Scored opening goal when he shouldn’t have been on the park 6

JULIEN ESCUDE Must have 
spent the game wondering how this blonde, short guy kept beating him in the air. Otherwise comfortable 6

SEBASTIEN SQUILLACI The spare man at the back at plenty 
of time on his hands. Probably spent most of it wondering why Dado Prso was always banging on about how great Glasgow is 6

FERNANDO NAVARRO No relation to Dave of Jane’s Addiction fame. Which would have allowed us to have made a lame gag 
about him being caught stealing (several yards at a throw-in) 6

JESUS NAVAS Winger suffers from chronic homesickness so popped into Bairds Bar for a pint just to hear people talking about Seville again. Should have scored in first half but shot well over the crossbar 6

LOLO Or Manuel Ortiz Toribio 
as his mother probably calls him. But not when she wants something done in a hurry. 
Well shackled by McCulloch 5

DIDIER ZOKORA Such good mates with Mendes from their time together at Spurs he spent most of the game following him about for a chat 6

ADRIANO So versatile the 
Spanish call him Lee McCulloch. Just not to his face. Swept in the second goal from left midfield to seal the win for Sevilla 7

LUIS FABIANO Nicknamed 
‘O Fabuloso’ which in English means “no’ bad at all”. Came to life in second half, scoring his team’s third 7

FREDI KANOUTE Head and shoulders above the Rangers defence. Literally and metaphorically. Scored Sevilla fourth late before being taken away for a wee rest 7

Substitutes

DIEGO CAPEL Was thrown on to test tiring legs and further infuriate what was left of an already apoplectic crowd. 
Booked for diving. 5

ALVARO NEGREDO Allowed 
on but only if he shared his win bonus with the rest of the subs 5

NDRI ROMARIC On to test the announcer’s pronunciation 4

http://www.heraldscotland.com/sport/spl/ra...atings-1.923023

Wouldn't usually post player ratings but wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at some of these. Its probably in a style I admire if it wasn't a bit much over the piece.

I must have been watching the wrong game, I missed these!!!!

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