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The Graham Spiers awards for this year

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The Nippiest Wee Man In Town Award: Gordon Strachan

I got on well with Strachan — a lot of hacks did — but the former Celtic manager could bite, snarl, and generally say little. My own personal moment of glory with Strachan came when I asked him if he had dropped Aiden McGeady for the Old Firm game at Ibrox in May “almost out of spite” — because that was how some perceived it. It was “an idiotic question”, Strachan replied to me, wanly adding “and it’s not like you”. This is a marvellous wee Presbyterian: nippy, curmudgeonly, and very successful at Celtic, a club whose main constituency rarely took to him. The football reporters in Scotland are crestfallen at Strachan’s miserable start with Middlesbrough.

Award for Kiss ’n Make Up: Craig Levein/Gordon Smith

Levein and Smith receive this jointly after the amazing sight of the two of them sitting side-by-side at Levein’s unveiling as Scotland manager last week — “amazing”, given the insults that Levein has tossed the SFA chief executive’s way over the past two years.

Some say Smith has swallowed his pride in offering Levein the job. Others hold a more sinister theory — that the SFA chief has little personal time for Levein, and that, if Smith is to go down following the failure of yet another managerial appointment, then at least he’ll drag with him a man whose barbs he won’t forget.

The Nice Try, Nae Luck Award: George Burley

Burley seemed hapless at times and suffered the late Sir Bobby Robson’s comic amnesia of getting players names mixed up — “Christopher Berra”, “Darren Ferguson”, etc — but he was a former English Premier League Manager of the Year, a feat with which the new Scotland manager has nothing to compare. I’ll never forget that weird weekend in Cardiff in November 2009 when, having cursed and blinded at having to attend such an inconsequential friendly, I turned to Chick Young after 27 minutes, and 3-0 to Wales, and said: “We're suddenly on a sacking story here”.

The ‘I’m Thirsty, It’s 6am, Fetch Me A Drink’ Award For Sheer Thickness: Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor

Ferguson and McGregor are the rich recipients of this award following their stupendously dumb drinking session with Scotland last March. And I use the work “thick” here in its profoundest sense. With cleaners up and about and Sunday morning guests arriving for breakfast at the high-end Cameron House hotel, where Scotland were staying, you have to be pretty thick to think, still lounging about and getting drunk at 8am, that no-one will notice — the more so if you are famous. Hats off to Ferguson and McGregor for their ned-like behaviour. But never mind, hurry back chaps, your country needs you . . .

The ‘No-One Loves Us, We Don’t Care’ Award: Rangers FC

The Rangers fans have sung this chant regularly for 30 years but never actually meant it to be taken literally — certainly not in the context of the club’s demise. Alas, the famous Ibrox dirge appears to be true. Sir David Murray has been hawking Rangers FC around for three years now, with no takers. The situation is so bad that some Ibrox fans, dreaming that they are at the very gates of the Bastille, are even thinking of stepping in to save the club, shooting various critical journalists along the way, while vouchsafing for Rangers a certain plodding, relatively penniless mediocrity. A really richly-deserved, well-merited award, this one.

The ‘Who Gives A Toss, D’You Think I Care? Award: Walter Smith

Smith is a marvellous fellow to be around these days — charming, dryly wise-cracking, with a faint whiff of the demob-happy about him. It’s not that the grizzled old badger has stopped trying — witness his side’s current excellent form — just that the Rangers manager has seen it all at Ibrox in his time and is, according to some club insiders, planning his summer escape. Folks, you don’t mess with Walter — oh no — but you can also have a damn good laugh with this clubbable 61-year-old. I fear the current “Rangers crisis” causes Smith not a single second of lost sleep.

The ‘My Veins Are Fit To Burst’ Award: David Begg

BBC Radio Scotland’s Mr Begg appears to have a larynx made of leather. Face purple, his microphone flecked with foam, tuning into Begg for the final 15 minutes of any game on the wireless — even drab 0-0 draws — is not for the weak-hearted. You could almost believe Begg was covering the final hours of the Siege of Stalingrad from his vocal pyrotechnics.

The Award For Sheer, Dogged Perseverance (And Zero Debt): Peter Lawwell

The men carrying the strait-jackets were supposed to have come for the Celtic chief executive a long time ago. Lawwell has outlived a whole string of predecessors in the job, and, even today, has started exhibiting only very fleeting signs of outright barking madness. Lawwell is a good bloke, although with John Reid around, he doesn’t get in a word as much as he used to at the Celtic dinner table. And as Lawwell likes to say (dig, dig): “We've got near zero debt. I mean, just look what happens elsewhere in football when financial recklessness takes over . . .” I mean, where, Peter? Where?

So then all is fucking rosy over at paedo towers and all things Rangers, or to do with Rangers and even ex Rangers is a fucking shambles. If this was America Id go over to that cunts hoose wi my wee gun and put a bullet into his wee polluted brain to sanitize him.

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The man is a cretin, a liar and tries to cover his poor "journalism," with big words. How anyone still reads his bile is beyond me.

To be fair to myself I wasnt on the page but someone else was and attracted my attention to his shite. It took a long time for me to stop reading his pish because Ive been reading that paper for decades but I have and feel all the better for it. He is a complete wanker.

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Complete wanker.

The boozegate, Rangers fans, and Walter Smith comments he has published have made my blood boil.

How would he know that Walter doesn't care whats happening at Rangers? Of course he does, he is the manager and also has supported them since he was a bern and until the day he dies, I very much doubt Walter would give Mr. G Spiers the time and day.

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refuse to read anything by the cunt but

The ‘No-One Loves Us, We Don’t Care’ Award: Rangers FC

The Rangers fans have sung this chant regularly for 30 years but never actually meant it to be taken literally

em........believe its, no-one likes us, we dont care

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Sir David Murray has been hawking Rangers FC around for three years now, with no takers.

that is a lie spiers remeber in summer 2008 murray said that he was seconds to sell rangers but he didnt think the deal was right for the club and in february 2009 douglas park offered to by the club and take the debt on but murray said no

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Anyone who can let slip without mention, Celtics sacking of their best manager since Big Jock and their farcical pursuit of his replacement after promising only the "very best" only for them to appoint a 3rd rate manager at a cost of £2M really should not be reporting on Sport.

Confirmation, as if it was needed, that this guy is a cunt of the highest order.

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spiers is a useful idiot to the parkhead board having digs at rangers pleases the celtic faithful and deflects attention away from there problems

soon his spell at the times will be over due to falling sales and spiers will be consistent in that the everything he has a hand in goe,s down hill his last newspaper had falling sales and his 2 tv programmes scotsport and setanta are also no longer with us

the man has hidden talents

he will never make a lucky heather seller :rolleyes:

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How he is not banned from Ibrox is a fucking outrage, he can take his petty wee comments and shuv them up his arse beside Lawwells cock

A ban of his "articles" should be inflicted on this website aswell, he gets far too much attention

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