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What Pub's Dioufy In?


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A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?" Again, the bartender tells him that, ?no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.? The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes and if you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your little duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartender says ?no?!''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes??

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'Help' cries a young Women, I've just been graped.

A passer by asks "surely you mean I've just been raped"?

No replied the young lady "There was a bunch of Them"?

BOOM BOOM 5fhu1i.jpg

my joke is better because of the talking duck...

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El Hadji Diouf approached me and said, "Can you tell me how to get to the Grapes Bar, please?"

I said, "Certainly, monkey face. You go past the jerk chicken, around the grape soda and, Muhammad's your cotton-picker, it's opposite the watermelon."

As I lay here in hospital, I'm thinking to myself, "That's the last time I eat those fucking Rowntree's Randoms!"

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A well known publicity seeking Glasgow Q.C goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, ", I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."

The well known publicity seeking Glasgow Q.C is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

"Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

well known publicity seeking Glasgow Q.C asks bewildered, "Will that cure me, Doc? "

Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your fuckin' arse is for."

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Two men are shipwrecked and manage to make it onto an uncharted island where they are approached by a large group of cannibals who can amazingly speak English.

The cannibals tell them that they have a chance to live on this island without being eaten so long as they pass the "Ordeal of Fruit", the surviors accept the challenge with little pondering and the Cannibals send the pair off to individually collect one hundred pieces of fruit each and then report back to them.

The first survivor returns with one hundred grapes and cannibals instruct him to shove each grape into his anus without wincing or laughing or he will be killed on the spot.

However just as the first grape reaches his butt hole he bursts out laughing.

The cannibals ask why he is laughing and he replies "I'm sorry, it's just that my friend is collecting pineapples!"

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