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The police have just been to my door holding a picture of my wife. They said "Is this your wife sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes" They then said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a b

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  • 3 weeks later...

I only found out today that Andy Murray attended the school where the Dunblane massacre took place.

It makes sense now though why he took to playing tennis -

 

they didn't have enough weans left to put together a football team.

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1 hour ago, miracle said:

A couple years ago, one night, I was was about to propose to my girlfriend when my flatmate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, let's say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend.

Apparently they had bonded during the time of his injuries, and eloped together, leaving me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

It's a fucking Miracle you managed to type that shit.

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13 hours ago, miracle said:

A couple years ago, one night, I was was about to propose to my girlfriend when my flatmate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, let's say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend.

Apparently they had bonded during the time of his injuries, and eloped together, leaving me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

That was fucking brilliant :lol::lol::lol: :clap:

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