North Rd 2,860 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 nessinatorThis WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamasEuro 2012 – The story so farJune 20, 2012 //1The Euros – The World Cups younger, less ethnic life partner. It’s been more exciting than a ride on a Craig Whyte built monorail so far. Before we have a look at the hosts, the favorites, the dark horses, the unfancied, or even mention the competition lets talk about England, arent England great? I mean they are shite really but that means they are going to win it doesn’t it? Does it Roy? ROY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ARE WE GOING TO WIN IT? I don’t know who annoys me more, Gary Lineker and his horrible fake tanned smug face, he looks at all times like hes just had a wank over your burd and now ur lending him a tenner or Adrian Chiles who has all the personality of Gary Barlow on blues. The ITV production team are geniuses, employing Roy Keane and Gareth Southgate to make Chiles seem less dull was a masterstroke, but ya know my favorite has to be Jamie Carragher ya know because ya know hes got some great football knowledge ya know and ya know if the cunt could stop sayin ya know for 5 minutes he might actually be a decent pundit, ya know? yeah…..you know. None of this matters though because of course the answer to the original question is Craig Burley who has as much right to be a pundit as wee Craigy does to work at HMRC, there clearly is no god because if there was the lightning the other night would have struck that wank right between the eyes and old firm fans…sorry ‘THE old firm’ as we are now called would have held hands and and danced a jig in the streets of Glasgow on their way to piss on Burleys grave, I bet even his tombstone would have some rambling piece of irrelevant nonsense on it that was nothing to do with him, how he did, or in general death.What was this meant to be about again? Oh aye the England Euros 2012. Lets see whos gone done well and such so far -Group A -Poland: The Co-Racists of the tournament looked to be a good shout to go through. The had home advantage, a weak group and some striker whos meant to be shit hot, he name ends in ski or somethin thats all I know but that could be anyone in the squad, and they had luis suarez cheering them on what could go wrong?! Much like their day jobs fixing sinks it turns out a lot can go wrong 2 draws and a loss means its back to work on fixing colin and justin’s on suite for the poland squad.Russia: Biggest let down since the Daily Record called Craig Whyte a billionaire whizkid. They thumped the Cheat Republic 4-1 in the opener, then decided that was good enough and it was time to go home for some vodka and smack. Was good to see wee dick struttin his stuff again and comedy gold when he clearly didnt give a fuck he’d fluffed it because he’s got another job lined up, prob still got a lot of EBT money stashed away as well, lfes good for the bold dicko, not so good for Russia who are sure to be shot and their wives sold on the internet on their returnGreece: The bold Greece eh!! looked more likely to fold than their economy 5 minutes into the opener and somehow manage to lead 1 game out of 3 for 45 minutes and go through. Fuck knows how they are payin the bus fare to get to the Germany game, big sammy will need to be up and down Krakow sellin his arse more than ever.Czech Republic: Cheatin horrible ugly cunts the lot of them, divin fucktard wanks I hate their faces and hope they all get a mild from of swine flu, other than that though I wish them all the best in the quarter finals. Finished top of the group despite clearly being shite. Group B -Holland: What went wrong? They had arrogant spastic overlord Robin Van Persie (pronounced ars-e-nal) the ever balding Robben, Afellay who’s only 4 years old, and the wonderful Wes Sneijder who is fantastic in Demolition Man. Turns out none of that matters when your defense is made up of 4 guys who’d struggle to stop Mo Bangura and a pissed up Franny Jeffers from scoring, you have to ask, would it all have been different had they beat Denmark on the opening day? No of course it wouldn’t have they are fucking shite.Denmark: The most exciting thing about Denmark was Bendtner’s pants, they were unlucky to go out but I got Portugal in the sweep so FUCK YOU DENMARK FUCK YOU! I have nothing else to say about Denmark so heres an interesting fact – Almonds are members of the rose flower family or rosaceae family. The peach is also a member of the rose family.Portugal: They look shit hot, well they did once game 3 came around and Ronaldo was done fixing his hair and wanking over youtube videos of himself. He dedicated the win against Holland to his son who I can only imagine was conceived in a lab full of men in white coats and Cristiano Ronaldo masks. It’s a good thing he turned up for a game though, he was disgracing the name of fat ronaldo, I miss fat Ronaldo, he made me feel like it was okay to be both brilliant and a lover of peanut butter.Germany: Whats the most impressive thing about Germany? Whatever you were thinking you are wrong and I’ll tell you for why. The most impressive thing about Germany is that Joachim Löw manages them even tho he is so busy playing Sandy Cohen on the OC. Germany look pretty good, not much else I want to say about them really…..that Mario Gomez guy has pretty cool hair I guess. Group C -Republic of Ireland: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! the highlight of their tournament was the bold crappatoni havin a pop at roy keane. They conceeded 9 goals in 3 games, a tally that would shame titus bramble. To their credit their fans were great, its how you spot the difference between Irish people and plastic ones who support celtic – Ireland lose the fans keep singing, celtic lose, a referee wakes up with a horses head in his bed.Croatia: Apart from the bad racism their fans did for a while or something it went pretty well for them. That Mankini guy or whatever will now be sold for 30 Million cash monies to some team in England, most likely Liverpool where he will flop and never be heard of again and confirm Liverpool as the place where football (and people) go to die by murder.Italy: The boys in blue done good! and they didnt even pay the ref off maybe. I’m not saying they did pay the ref off but if they did and they definitely did its worked because they are through and have earned the prize of knocking England out. The only thing better than that would be finishing second in a who can wank the longest competition and your prize is smashing fuck out of joey barton with a wank sock filled with snooker balls.Spain: Their economy is on the brink and so are they….the brink of history! or something dramatic like that. Having nicked our genius 4-6-0 formation they are now going to storm to a 3rd major tournament win in a row, its pretty impressive to top the group and they’ve not even played messi yet. Group D -The D stands for D-IDNT ENGLAND DO WELLSweden: I expected better from them to be honest, they had Ibrah…Ibroh….Ibreh….Zlatan up front and hes brilliant depending on who you ask, if you him then hes brilliant, if you ask anyone in the world whos not him they they are wrong. They even had thor playing centerback, they should have beaten england and gone through, but they didnt its off home to make some porn, eat some meatballs, listen to some abba and read stereotypes about Sweden on the internet.Ukraine: They were Shev-tastic against Sweden and despite claims they suck from every kiddy on plastic englishman on twitter, aye you savage ya lesbo lookin sack faced wank, they are pretty good. They smashed fuck out of england last night but a brilliant, unstoppable, world class cross from stevie g undone them, nothing to do with the 2 major deflections btw, just steveo.France: Remember people said France were a dark horse? Those people clearly had a massive head injury sometime between august 2010 and last monday. France look typically French, I don’t know what that means but it sounds like something a football pundit would say before rambling on about something while referring back to why its good thing for England at all times. They are out when they play Spain.England: Much like the 90 minutes of football the rest of this blog has just been getting in the way of England, beautiful, modest England who are not going to win, but thats why they are going to win. Their arrogance is to be applauded, no other country on this planet could follow the logic of admitting they have been arrogant in the past, not letting it happen this time, being realistic but then claiming because they arent arrogant and they normally are that they are going to win the whole thing. It would take far too long to explain how bad they really are, they have been extremely lucky in every game under wee woy, out played in everygame and no defeats, its a house of cards set to come crashing down this week and in the qualifiers for the world cup. Just imagine how good they will be when they dont think they are good enough to make it to the finals of world cup 2014. I spell checked and proofread none of this. Thanks to the 4 people who read this- The Nessinator.Categories UncategorizedBlog at WordPress.com. | Theme: Wu Wei by Jeff Ngan.Back to the top Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmiston Drive 3,846 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Only the second time I have been able to say this...........Bears Den!!!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wearethemighty 186 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Only the second time I have been able to say this...........Bears Den!!!!!^^^^ What he said. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
derek1872 548 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 what group are Rangers in? Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil 1,150 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 The only thing better than that would be finishing second in a who can wank the longest competition and your prize is smashing fuck out of joey barton with a wank sock filled with snooker balls. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
harry handsome 629 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 That was funny, had me laughing a fair bit Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devlin 222 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Tried far too hard.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryankyleakin 31 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 "England: Much like the 90 minutes of football the rest of this blog has just been getting in the way of England, beautiful, modest England who are not going to win, but thats why they are going to win. Their arrogance is to be applauded, no other country on this planet could follow the logic of admitting they have been arrogant in the past, not letting it happen this time, being realistic but then claiming because they arent arrogant and they normally are that they are going to win the whole thing. It would take far too long to explain how bad they really are, they have been extremely lucky in every game under wee woy, out played in everygame and no defeats, its a house of cards set to come crashing down this week and in the qualifiers for the world cup. Just imagine how good they will be when they dont think they are good enough to make it to the finals of world cup 2014" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoatbridgeBear 7,113 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 The ever balding Robben , Afellay who's only 4 , Russian players shot ! And the tally that would shame Bramble!, read the rest later mate! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmytto 220 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Tried far too hard.. Agreed, didn't find it funny in the slightest. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.