What Would You Give For Xmas ?

[Guardian 4,281]

I got to thinking about this and I'd give the following,

a) Doncaster and Regan would get a bumper Rangers selection hamper containing, a dictionary so they could look up what sporting integrity means, 500g tin of Brasso for their necks, 2 facecloths (one for each face), a Rangers pen for signing on the dole, and a golf ball sized SPL inscribed enema which they can shove right up their arse.

b) All SPL chairmen to get some new earphones so they can't listen to their fans who would rather see their club go bust than assist Rangers.

c) To all SPL supporters - some new clothes to replace their halloween seat costumes which are looking a bit tired.

d) To the taxcase blogger - A signed copy of "100 Best Tips on hiding and covering your tracks" by Salman Rushdie.

e) To the scottish mhedia, I'm giving an exclusive negative celtic story. They can never seem to find any.

f) Bomber Brown gets a guided open topped bus tour to Craigton and Linn Park cemeteries to show him the deid.

g) Craig Whyte always wanted to talk to god. I've paid for a contractor to facilitate this meeting.

h) I'm giving Peter Liewell a Sooty and Sweep set to replace his 2 glove puppets Regan and Doncaster who are about to be mutually consented.

I) Stephen Thompson of Dundee United gets a bag of Tate and Lyle's finest, a pair of 6 inch platforms, and a father, to remedy the fact he's a bitter wee bastard who always looks like he's chewing a wasp.

j) The players who deserted get nothing. They no longer exist and all mention should be erased.

J) To Charlie Green, Ally, the players, staff and every bear, I give a massive cheer and the knowledge Rangers will be here kicking ass forever cos we truly are THE people.

h) To the rest I give my pity cos they aren't.