Jump to content

The Shadow Assassin & the Ghost of Christmas


D'Artagnan

Recommended Posts

Master Phil Mac Giollazuki stumbles from his bed after a restless and uncomfortable night. The chief sensei of the House of Sevco Shadow Assassins has experienced a particularly bad night. Was it a visit from night demons or just kick back from the copious Jamiesons he downed before bed ? Either way the message was as chilling as the cold sweats breaking out all over his body. “Rangers are alive".

He ventures towards his laptop stopping briefly at his sword cabinet to draw his favourite katanas, "klan" and “underclass" from their mount ready for another assault on the Imperial Emperor - Rangers FC. He grimaces in pain as the old battle wound of "tarred with a sectarian brush" prods at his ego. Fortunately its a big ego, and the damage is akin to a pea shooter on an elephant.

An even fresher wound vies for his attention however - a stinging review of his book by The Scotsman newspaper - which suggests the book is motivated by hatred and calls into question his integrity. Which reminds Master Phil to get in touch with that useful idiot Thomson at channel 4, to minimise the damage by getting him to regurgitate his “Scottish journalism is part of the problem” allegation.

And with that Phil mounts his latest attack on everything Rangers. Those katanas of “underclass” and “klan” are swung with without due care and attention with regard to facts or legal rulings. A true master after all, must walk the road of hatred and obsession and overcome the challenges before them – facts being a major enemy which is best ignored. Such is the way of the shadow assassin. What's more thousands of wannabe shadow assassins hang on his every word.

They troll the comments section of newspapers swinging their blade of Sevco in an effort to emulate their esteemed master. But emulation leads only to emasculation. It seems to be lost on them, that rather than enriching the world of debate or discussion with some fresh or innovative revelation, they are in fact merely underlining their own inability to grasp facts. So next time you come across a Sevco Shadow Assassin – be gentle with them, bringing them out of denial may be harmful to their health.

So what makes a shadow assassin ?

The assassin part is obvious – a desire born of hatred and obsession to kill off Rangers FC. The shadow part is in fact the catalyst to that killer instinct. For years the shadow assassins have lived in the shadow of the greatest football club in the world. Rangers FC. That's a lot of darkness to pervade one's soul.

On a cold dark December night in Donegal the ghost of Christmas visits himself upon a certain master shadow assassin. From his mighty white steed the horseman pelts the assassin with page after page after page of writings. Scrambling around on the floor master Phil picks up page after page only to see each and every one contains his own brand of Rangers related ramblings penned over the years

“What's this about” demands our master shadow assassin.

“Its abundantly clear says the ghost of Christmas, and to paraphrase a certain song......

You're only here to write about the Rangers”

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Upcoming Events

    • 20 October 2024 11:00 Until 13:00
      0  
      Kilmarnock v Rangers
      The BBSP Stadium, Rugby Park
      Scottish Premiership
      Live on Sky Sports Football HD
×
×
  • Create New...