ErnestWorthing 0 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 CELTC SH*TE NEWS – Celtc News, Not Lazy Journalism Celtic request split explanation Celtc Football Club has demanded an explanation for the “disgraceful, unjustified and bigoted” split that has just been announced. A spokesman stated: “therr is simply no rational explanation and it is so unferr, so it is.” The entire Celc community is up in arms and have convinced themselves, each other, and no-one else, that it is all a pyoor Masonic conspiracy. Peter Raffleyerself, spokesworm for the Greater Diaspora of Cltc Minded Sympathisers, burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably: “The split is a monumental miscarriage of justice – to split up Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey and put them into difference teams in Hell’s Kitchen is not right, and someone is going to pay. So therr.” Unsporting Wing fans rush to Hawking’s bedside The green and white third of Glasgow are not slow on jumping on bandwagons. So it is no surprise that they have rallied around for the ailing Professor Stephen Hawking. “The Prof is one of our own” commented Poops fans’ chief, Reilly O’Seamus. “His mother once visited Cork for a long weekend, so he really is ‘of the Diaspora’, and dear to all our hearts, so we wish him well. Poops’ Chairwarlord, Sir John Dignity Reid KGB CNUT commented: “If the worst should happen between now and the 8th of May, everyone will be aware that the match against Rangers must, absolutely must, be called off. There is no way that Ra Poops can play a game of football when one of our very own has passed away. It has nothing to do with Broon0.9’s unavailability and everything to do with unsporting integrity. And if the good Prof survives, I’m calling on someone, anyone, everyone that’s ever drank a Bushmills to consider doing the honourable thing and laying down your life for Ra Poops. Because we’re sh*tting ourselves” Sellik comment on Post Split Sphincters Sellik Chief Executive, Pedro Liewell, has demanded to know which DOB at the SPL made up the split sphincters. Having borrowed an abacus from FD Eric O’Riley (aka Eric Riley when he lived his entire life as a staunch Bluenose), Liewell has worked out how the sphincters should have fallen: John Reid playing away with Dawn Primarolo Jim Torbett at home with Alan Brazil Jock Stein away with the physio’s wife Green Brigade refuse to apologise for likening Celtic to the IRA That bastion of upside down protest, ǝpɐbıɹq uǝǝɹb ǝɥʇ (not to be confused with any IRA grouping that uses the word ‘brigade’) unveiled their latest masterpiece (sic.) recently – a Banner painted to vaguely resemble a brick wall with the slogan “Ooh Aah up the Celts”. A gunslinging, bombthrowing spokesman for ǝpɐbıɹq uǝǝɹb ǝɥʇ stated that there was absolutely no connection between the banner and the oft-spouted-at-the-piggery slogan “Ooh Aah up the ‘Ra”. Any similarities are said to be pyoor coincidence and are more reflective of the mind of the reader than of the artist. “I mean”, he said, “Celts doesn’t even sound like ‘Ra”. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff crap in the head 120 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtin281 0 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 lmao Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelle1880 313 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 It's funny cuz it's true. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastEnclosureBear 2,970 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goianegra 4,702 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 You'd have thought the champs could take a fucking extra away game. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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