Jump to content

Tom English (take over thread yawn)


Recommended Posts

Tom English: 'We've got money, truckloads of it, but we won't be investing, no'

Premium Article !

Published Date: 06 December 2009

WE ARE joined today by a man who wishes to remain anonymous, but certain things about him we can reveal. He's a Govan man, a lifelong Rangers fan who emigrated to South America at the age of 21, who arrived in Venezuela with barely a backside in his trousers and a couple of quid in his pocket. He slept rough on the streets of San Cristobal for six months, protected from the winter rains by nothing more than a Rangers beach towel and a T-shirt with a picture of Jim Baxter on the front.

The locals found him curious. Who are these Rangers? they asked. Are

they big like Estrella Roja and Real Espor? Not as big as FC Venezolano, surely? Bigger, you say?

He moved to the capital city inside a year and started flogging things down the

market. He got into leather goods and wood products and rubber and cement. An empire was created. There is no telling what his personal wealth is, but it's estimated by the Venezuelan Rich List as quite a lot. He looks a bit like that Neil Oliver bloke off the telly, only a little scarier, but don't be fooled by his appearance. He is here today to announce his interest in investing in Rangers in their time of trouble. Good Teddy Bears, we give you the billionaire Latino-Glaswegian we can only refer to as Tommy Caracas.

"Tommy, you're not doing this for personal gain, isn't that right?"

"Aye, true. I cannae stand to see Rangers like this. We're launching a takeover, myself and others and, of course, the fans. It's all for the fans."

"Yourself and others. Care to expand?"

"Och, no. That's a secret."

"But you've spoken to Lloyds Bank?"


"Sir David Murray?"


"Alastair Johnston?"

"We've spoken to a reporter or two. That's about it just now."

"You've got money to invest, though?"

"We've got money, truckloads of it, but we won't be investing, no."

"What, nothing?"

"We'll underwrite things. We'll take a few of these new membership things. I've already invested in Rangers. A right few bob, but I'm not prepared to tell you how much. Mostly we'll develop the brand, we'll exploit the global magnificence of Rangers Football Club and restore it to greatness. Aye, there's all sorts that can be done. As soon as we get 45,000 punters coughing up a grand apiece we'll be laughing. The bank will be off our case, the supporters will have the club they deserve and we'll be simply the best forever more."

"So the money raised from the fans will go to paying off the debt?"

"You're getting technical now."

"Well, explain how it's going to be?"

"It's gonna be great."

"What about the detail, though?"

"I want what's best for Rangers. Isn't that enough to be getting on with? I have a group of men behind me. We have minor disagreements on some issues, but we're progressing things. We have a road map."

"Disagreements? Already?"

"Aye, nothing major. The boys would go public, only they don't want to. I'm only speaking now because, well, you asked me to. This is not about the glorification of Tommy Caracas. This is about Rangers. I mean, just as soon as I save Rangers I'm happy to slip away quietly into the background. The wife says I should be given a standing ovation at Ibrox and maybe a statue and perhaps a stand named after me, but that's for other people to decide. I've no say in that."

"What about funds for the manager for new players."


"Will there be any?"

"Look, we're stinking rich, but the plan is not an open chequebook. We'll have to look at what's available. But I said before, we need to do something about our youth development. I mean, look at Barcelona."

"What about them?"

"They go over to Argentina, find a 13-year-old off the street, bring him back to Spain and turn him into Lionel Messi. Why can't we do that?"

"How much did Barcelona spend in turning Messi into a superstar?"


"Housing him, feeding him, flying his family over to Barcelona, flying him home, educating him, nurturing him. How much?"

"You have me there."

"More than Rangers can afford."

"Aye, maybe. But it's just an illustration of what I'm saying. We need blue-sky thinking. We're a global brand and we need to act as such. There's a big world out there and there must be a trillion Rangers fans, at least. We have to tap into that."

"But you're not intending to put in, say, £20 million of your own money, like Dave King did? Just to get the ball rolling, just to show that you mean business and that you're not the chancer some people think you are."

"I'm not sure I know of anyone who keeps that kind of cash in the bank. It's all tied up, you know what I mean? I have interests all over the gaffe."

"You have businesses all over Venezuela?"

"Aye. I have a cement company in Carabobo that employs 15,000 people. I have a leather factory in Bolivar that's banging out quality gear. I own a wooden mill in Puerto La Cruz that's just massive. It turned over £300m last year alone. I was evicted from my home in Caracas a few years ago. I was out the game, big man. But look at me now!"

"There's some debate about a few of your companies, though."

"Oh aye, here we go. The negativity is coming now."

"Some of them have been liquidated, have they not?"

"Typical Scottish attitude. Hammer the success story. I hate cynicism."

"A few companies in your empire have failed to file tax returns, is that not true?"

"Look, there are certain firms in my portfolio that don't exist any longer, aye. We haven't taken them off our website yet. I'm into all sorts of things. It's hard to keep it all up to date sometimes. We're recession proof, us."

"But what about the string of insolvencies, dissolutions and breaches of the Companies Act. How can the fans trust you're bona fide?"

"Not my fault, I'm telling you. It's mischievous gossip, that's all. Responsibility for filing tax returns was passed to other directors. I can't say anymore."

"So what happens now?"

"We'll press on with putting the plan together."

"Thank you, Mr Caracas."

"Cheers, pal. Gonnae drop me a G-note to kick things off."



Link to post
Share on other sites

It seems to me Tom English and others are a bit afraid that there might actually be someone who helps Rangers get back to their feet and back to dominating the SPL.

Unfortunately the amateurish way that Duffy has handled his prospective bid and his complete lack of credibility has given the likes of Tom English plenty of ammunition.

Link to post
Share on other sites

wtf is this menty be serious


its a tit for tat dig at graham duffy's piece for the evening times i think.

some may think its funny but personally i think tom english is a fuckin wanker.

I concur.

Tom English (the republican scum-bag fuck-wit) is a fucking wanker.

Just another chance for this arsehole to have a dig at The Rangers.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Upcoming Events

    • 25 May 2024 14:00 Until 16:00
      celtic v Rangers
      Hampden Park
      Scottish Cup
  • Create New...