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Subject: Christmas party

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November 2004

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will

take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private

function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and

plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional

carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be

surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A

Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts

among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift

should be over ?10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for

everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The

MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline

********************

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish

employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday,

which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not

this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday

Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are

not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas

carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.

**********************

FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics

Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign

your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put

a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be

anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange

allowed now since the Union Officials feel that ?10.00 is too

much money and Management believe ?10.00 is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.

**************************

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th

begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating

and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of

year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs,

perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal

until the end of the party - or else package everything up for

you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit

farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get

the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with

each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each

will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower

arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking

permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will

have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be

available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used

in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure

taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert

for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"

desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.

*************************

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 2004

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to

keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so

you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death",

as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar,

including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too,

They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing

them scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink

drive and die.

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

************************

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9th November 2004

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy

recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the

meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with

full pay

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