lgr1991 303 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Well if we are telling oldies Ally McCoist and Neil Lennon walk into a brothel.Neil Lennon asks "how much for a wank"A woman replies "£20"Ally McCoist asks "How much if your not a wank?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpybear 24 Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Aye the old ones are the best I heard it the first time on the bus going to the 1973 Scottish Cup Thats what I wiz gonnae say 40 years old if a day.Ah shit too late noo forgot I wiz in the search HAHAHA Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
SectionRedHMS 190 Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Speaker at a Gers dinner opens up with "All celtic fans are fucken arseholes".Guy at the back shouts, "Im offended by that remark".Speaker says, "Sorry, are you a celtic fan"?Guy says, "Naw, I'm a fucken arsehole".Lol. Fuckin brilliant Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
King_gazza 1,065 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Lol. Fuckin brilliantWasn't really. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
crabbit bear 139 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Heres one I heard a while back, wee Paddy is on his knees crying his wee heart out, his wee neighbour says, oh Paddy son whats the matter with you, wee Paddy says , my mams just died, and his wee neighbour says, oh son do you want me to get father Oreilly, and wee Paddy says, no thanks, sex is the last thing on my mind the noo. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyal and true 2 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 how do you teach a blonde maths? Subtract her clothes, Divide her legs then square root her?? Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globespanscott 32 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 A Celtic fan dies and is standing at the gates of Heaven. St Peter opens the gate takes one look and says "Sorry we don't take your type in here""What do you mean" says the Celtic supporter, "I'm a good guy, last week I donated £10 from my broo money to the children's hospital, the week before I donated £10 to the local masonic lodge to help with their charity work and the week before that I donated £10 to the sick animals charity""Hmmm" says St Peter, "give me two minutes and I will go and speak to the big man. Two minutes later St Peter returns and says "Right I have spoken to the big man and we are both in agreement, here's your £30 quid back now f*ck off" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
broxboy61 0 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Reports are coming in that shoplifting in the Parkhead area has got so bad, that one of the local chapels has opened a confessional box for "9 items or less"! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLUEDIGNITY 34,090 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Punter goes intae a boozer wae a crocodile in tow and asks the barman dae ye serve celtic supporters in here ? Barman says aye, punter says well a'll hiv a pint o' lager and a'll hiv a bheggar fur ma crocodile ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WATP-FOREVER 5,231 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 A priest (Celtic scarf on) walking home one night finds an injured frog in the middle of the road. He takes it home, bathes it, cleans it, dresses its wounds, feeds it, gives him some water, and takes him to bed.He then reads him a story and before he puts the light out to go to sleep he gives him a goodnight kiss, and then miraculously the frog turns into an 8 year old boy!And that your honour is the case for the defence. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WATP-FOREVER 5,231 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Three shellik fans walk into a bar... A priest, a poof and a paedophile... And that was just the first guy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WATP-FOREVER 5,231 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Shellik are on their way to Inverness for a match when the bus breaks down on the A9. The driver gets out for a look followed by Samaras "Do you need a screwdriver?" says the bold Samaras... The driver responds "No thanks Sami, but maybe a quick handjive once I've fixed the bus”. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DEXYSC 23 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 An old priest gets a heart transplant, the operation is a success but as he's recovering a nurse tells him the heart donor was the worthy master of the orange lodge! The priest in a panic asks to see his doctor immediately, the doctor soon turns up says how can I help you father?The priest says doctor wIth me having this new heart and the donor being into the orange order, do you think having his heart will affect my religion in anyway?The doctor says I'm not qualified to answer that, maybe if you wrote to the pope he would tell you!The priest says Fuck the pope you tell me! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLUEDIGNITY 34,090 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Paisley and, trying tomake a good impression on her first day, explains to her class thatshe is a St. Mirren fan. She asks her students to raise their hands ifthey too, are St. Mirren fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand exceptone little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says:"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?""Because I'm not a St. Mirren fan," she replied.The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a St. Mirren fan,then who are you a fan of?""I'm a Rangers fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are youa Rangers fan?""Because my Mum and Dad areRangers fans so I'm a Rangers fan too!""Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reasonfor you to be a Rangers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?""Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Celtic fan." Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WATP-FOREVER 5,231 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 How do you know that ET was not a Celtic Fan?Because ET went home! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue and True 311 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Paisley and, trying tomake a good impression on her first day, explains to her class thatshe is a St. Mirren fan. She asks her students to raise their hands ifthey too, are St. Mirren fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand exceptone little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says:"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?""Because I'm not a St. Mirren fan," she replied.The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a St. Mirren fan,then who are you a fan of?""I'm a Rangers fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are youa Rangers fan?""Because my Mum and Dad areRangers fans so I'm a Rangers fan too!""Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reasonfor you to be a Rangers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?""Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Celtic fan." Yes its old very old in fact but I must say I did laugh at that Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
alwaystrue 10 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Well if we are telling oldies Ally McCoist and Neil Lennon walk into a brothel.Neil Lennon asks "how much for a wank"A woman replies "£20"Ally McCoist asks "How much if your not a wank?"Sorry to correct,but Ally said"how much for a legend" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
marvinsmarvels 13 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Celtic fan went for a wash. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain1712 336 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I was watching an 18 film with my little boy earlier. He said, "dad - I'm getting scared. Is that lady going to die?". I said, "probably son judging by the size of that horse's cock!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain1712 336 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Dear Derdrie I am a 13 year old catholic girl from Parkhead and I still haven't had sex yet. Do you think ma da's a poof? Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marky. 7,114 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Wasn't really effective to me, but still, a decent effort buddy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain1712 336 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I was drivin past a field yesterday an saw a scarecrow tryin to have a wank! I thought to myself that fucker is clutching at straws.! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain1712 336 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 A young Celtic fan was asked what he would like for Christmas? He replied "Clothes for all they poor weans on ma Da's laptop" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
dexiboy 157 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 That guy that won gold at London for the marathon what an achievement the commentator said it was great for Uganda I'm sure his granny was happy aswell Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WATP-FOREVER 5,231 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating"What are you doing father?" He said,"It's called masturbating” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon.""Why father ?" asked the choir boy."Because my wrist is killing me” the priest replied Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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