minstral 5,375 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 SELLICK SUPPORTERS ASSOCIATIONAPPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIPPERSONAL DETAILS1.Forenames (Furst and confurmation names):JohnPaul/Michael/Sean/Patrick/Brendan/Finbar/Dermott**Please delete any that don?t apply2. Surname (last name): O???????.* Please Complete3. Age (mental not physical): 4. Sex (Guess if unsure): 5. Fathers Name :- (If unknown list 3 suspects) ???????????????.6. Nationality _ Irish _ Scots/Irish _ Not British7. Which best describes your place of residence?_At Her Majesty?s Pleasure _ The Great Eastern _ A Pish Soaked Doorway_ 2 rent free Coonsil Hooses knocked into 1 at tax payers expense to accommodate your parasitic brood8. How many illegitimate little scumbags have you spawned?_ 10+ _20+ _Canne Count _Never hud ma hole9. Your Employment Record?_ Never Been Employed _ Unemployable _ Employed crowbar tae screw the chemists10. How would you describe your personality?_ Bitter _ Twisted _ Bitter & Twisted _ Poisonous _ AbsentINTELLIGENCE11. Can you count to ten with your shoes on? _ Yes _ No12. Can you count to 21 with your fly up? _ Yes _ No13. Can you count at all? _ Yes _ No14. What is your I.Q.?_ Minus Figures _ 0-10 _ 10-20 _ Your shoe size _ Room TemperatureMEDICAL INFORMATION15. Do you have any distinguishing features? (tick at least three)_ Thick wirey ginger hair _ Deathly pale complexion _ Big joined up ginger freckles_ Buck Teeth _ Big Juggy Lugs _ Greasy Black Hair _ Dark Sunken Eyes _ Clapped in jaws_ Facial scarring _ One thick eyebrow stretching across your forehead _ Bandy legs _ A Hump_ Amusingly shaped cranium _ Arms & legs of equal length _ Needle marks on arms _ Tattoo16. What tattoo do you have?_ Sellick Crest _ Irish Tricolour _ Shamrock _ Henrik Larsson _ Your broo number17. Do you suffer from any of the following?_ Body Odour _ Halitosis _ Smelly feet _ Acne _ Warts _ STD?s _ Mysterious VoicesLEISURE & RECREATION18. How do you spend your leisure time?_ Sports Complex _ Care in the community complex _ Paranoid persecution complex_ Deep rooted guilt complex _ This question is too complex19. How often do you have a bath?_ Monthly _ Birthdays _ Christmas _ Leap Years _ When it rains _ What?s a bath?20 Do you still batter your wife? Yes/No* *Please delete as appropriate21. Has your priest ever touched you down there? Yes/No**If NO please go to question 2122. What are your favourite foods?_ Irish Stew _ Potatoes _ Cabbage _ Potatoes _ Dugshite_ Communion Wafers _ Potatoes _ Fish (Fridays Only)23. What are your favourite drinks?_ Bushmills _ Murphy?s _ Guinness _ Buckfast _ Guinness/Bucky Snakebite_ Meths _ Furniture Polish _ Communion Wine _ Father O?Flahery?s Salty Penance Paste24. What are your favourite records?_ Fields of Athenrye _ Gypsies, Tramps & Theives _ Duelling Banjos theme from Deliverence_ Ma criminal record _ Guinness book of records _ Daily Record25. What are your hobbies/pastimes? (please tick those that don?t apply,????if any)_ Squeezin ma plooks _ Exposing myself _ Masturbation (even though I burn in hell)_ Sexually assaulting my kids _ Tannin? hooses _ Tannin? motors _ Mugging _ Shoplifting_ Collecting rare & contagious skin disorders _ Urinating in my sink _ Urinating in my troosers_ Stealing wheel trims _ Stealing clothes from washing lines _ Stealing clothes from jakeys_ Cultivating a gallus wee spikey fringe that sticks oot the bottom of ma baseball cap_ Religiously attending confession on Sunday so ah don?t burn in the bad fire for all the above_ Telling h*** they will burn in the bad fire because they simply don?t have our high moral standardsSELLICK SECTION26. How long have you supported Sellik?_ Lifetime _ Since 1967 _ Since the new strip came out _ Since they started winning again27. How often do you see matches?_ Every Game _ Every Home Game _ Every game we look like winning _ When day release permits_ When it?s on in the pub _ When it?s on in Dixons windae28. How do you pay for your season ticket?_ Giro _ Provident _ A big bag a ginger bottles _ Sell the Big Issue_ Get ma sister pregnant again and use the additional family credit29. Where were you when Celtic won the European Cup?_ Supporting St Mirren, but it was the best night of my life_ No interest in football, but it was the best night of my life_ Wasn?t born, but it was the best night of my life_ Had sex at the St Columba Club, he was the best Knight of my life_ Robbing the Chip Shop. (Evidence on shoulder must be provided)30. What would you rather see Sellick win?_ SPL _ Premiership _ Champion?s League _ Irish League _ Fights outside Baird?s Bar31. Do you own any of the following?_ A replica Sellick tap _ A cheap as ####* retro style Eire tap _ A Pogues T Shirt_ Lison Lions 1967 commemorative pyjamas _ Balaclava and a combat jacket_ Pope John Paul II on tour at Bellahouston Park ?82 souvenir rosary beads32. Have your kids managed to get into Sellick Boys Club?_ Yes _ No, but the Club are dead keen to get into them33. In your own words please explain the silent T in Celtic(Continue on a separate betting slip if necessary)???????????????????????????????????????????..34. Please state your main reason for joining our secure unit supporters club._ Near Home _ Near Barlinnie _ Near ma social worker _ Near Carstairs_ Need to join a gang as part of the overwhelming ?them and us? Irish mentality_ To increase my chances of finding employment with Glasgow City CouncilPlease complete the following declaration:(If in any doubt, just ask your carer, social worker, parole officer, etc tae pit yer name in the wee boaxes) I, ___________O?____________, being of feeble paranoid mind and hideously grotesqueCoupon do hereby declare my undying allegiance to His Holiness the Pope John Paul II;The Virgin Mary, Cardinal Winning (god rest his soul), St Patrick, Billy Connolly, The Irish Republic, Rod Stewart, Mother Theresa and the little sisters of the poor, Bono fae U2, Gerry Adams, The Knights of St Columba and the chairman of Sellick Football Club.I will not bring the bad name of Sellick Football Club into good repute through an of myActions, nor will I indulge in any practices, which maybe considered socially acceptable.I shall hate THEM and all things British with rabid fervour and endeavour at all times(Including lent) to uphold the longstanding Irish underclass traditions of Sellick Football Club in accordance with the rules and regulations of oor mob and will not seek to integrate with society as a whole in any way, shape or form.Honest. 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Dado 334 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasser_7 0 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 too long to read Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricardopatrese 0 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Question 15 - Lennon ticks at LEAST 15 of those 16 boxes! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff crap in the head 120 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 too difficult to read ps: excellent post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricardopatrese 0 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 too difficult to read ps: excellent post (Five laughs for my 5 hundredth post! - GIRFUY Tims!) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoff 7 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 that is a classic minstral!! Love it!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
biotechnology 2 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 a belter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Man 0 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Mince,i read War and Peace quicker. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
the goal machine 7,813 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommer 0 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 You forgot this oneName the most significant trophy you have ever won?Scottish CupLeague CupEmpire CupEUROPEAN CUPAll of the above Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
minstral 5,375 Posted December 30, 2006 Author Share Posted December 30, 2006 You forgot this oneName the most significant trophy you have ever won?Scottish CupLeague CupEmpire CupEUROPEAN CUPAll of the above you dont like the truth , oh you forgot to mention the amount of titles you have won. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
nvager 498 Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Gotta be open minded - LOVED IT! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rangers & Arsenal 1 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 pmsl! hilarious Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebaz 0 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 <mutley> <mutley> <mutley> <mutley> <mutley> Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coopermania 1 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 very good minstral, funny Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunter 0 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 You forgot this oneName the most significant trophy you have ever won?Scottish CupLeague CupEmpire CupEUROPEAN CUPAll of the above How does it feel being branded a Rangers Fan in your Signature?I know how proud I feel, can you put it into words? <rockon> Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
True_Blue_Gal 0 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrjefferson 0 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 chuckle chuckle,championees AGAIN!mon the hoops!you's will always be 2nd 2 the mighty tic! and dont forget that bhoys! X X X X <crweee> Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coopermania 1 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 chuckle chuckle,championees AGAIN!mon the hoops!you's will always be 2nd 2 the mighty tic! and dont forget that bhoys! X X X X you calling me a bhoy mrjeff ? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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