disgruntled_bear 157 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 All he does is score goals. It is the sort of sentence, uttered in a gruff American accent, that should accompany the trailer for Kris Boyd: The Movie, coming to a stadium near you. Well, if you live in England. Or maybe not. The final scene in Boyd's Rangers career has still to be scripted. But there is an old saying: money talks and Big Kris walks. He never, ever runs. There is no danger of mistaking the striker for a startled cheetah. His superhero powers are reserved for the more leisurely activity of putting the ball into the net from as short a distance as possible. He makes a crocodile lying in the mud waiting for his supper seem like an animal fatally consumed by the work ethic. And so it was on the green veldt of McDiarmid Park last night. Amid the scurrying and the scrapping, Big Kris prowled like the king of the jungle. Particularly, if said king has had a heavy supper. And swallowed the veterinary surgery's entire complement of ketamine. There was one moment when Pedro Mendes played a pass forward and Boyd looked at the ball with a disdain so heavy it almost dented the turf. This man is not for running. advertisement Kris does other things. He is never convincing as an outfield player. It is like Clark Kent at the Daily Planet. One knows that Clarkey's heart just is not in it. He needs a telephone box, a wee spin and a change of clothes to go about his proper business. And so it is Non-Krypton Kris. Last night, he made a forlorn effort at closing down, once loping without menace in the general direction of Gary Irvine. He does this because everyone tells him he should. But Boydy is not convinced. One can almost hear him muttering: "If God had wanted me to run, he'd have given me pace." He also does not have much use for link-up play. One touch towards Kenny Miller ran out for a shy. Boydy did not attempt much delicacy thereafter. But like Superman seeing a crashing plane or Batman spotting a pilfering Penguin, Boydy comes alive in the box. This is where his superpower prospers. Boydy scores goals. And goals win games. And winning games is what it all about. Well that and balancing books. The striker makes a habit of scoring a goal in just about every match. That makes him popular with fans. He was serenaded by a Rangers support last night who view his reported flight to Birmingham with something approaching alarm. His physical presence was also lauded by the home support who regularly cried: "You fat Batman." Or something like that. Indeed, Kris Boyd: The Movie was played out to a series of noises off. There was the obligatory rant at Sir David Murray with a solitary protest banner in the stand. There was the chorus in support of the chairman who was in attendance for what could be the final showing of the Boydy movie. The star of the show, meanwhile, did what he does. A Mendes chipped pass was taken on the chest and volleyed wide. A cross ball into the box was chased with something approaching enthusiasm and ended with Boyd collapsing under the close attentions of Kevin Rutkiewicz. The striker emerged with a dirtied jersey and a pained protest, probably at having to do his own stunts. Moments later, he tried to apply the napper to a long ball and it hit his shoulder (the ball, not his head) and drifted wide. But Boyd was undeterred. . And then there was his moment. Rangers had looked increasingly uncomfortable in a fraught first half but Alan Main came to their rescue. A misjudgment, followed by an ill-advised hack down the line provided the opening for the visitors. Davis picked up Main's errant kick and supplied the ball to Boyd who was loitering with intent out wide. The striker fired the ball across goal where Stuart McCaffrey supplied the finishing touch, presumably because superhero Boyd still can not be in two places at one time. It meant Rangers could breathe again and that their cause was not lost. Boyd, thereafter, went into a sort of hibernation. Nacho Novo stole his thunder by scoring the sort of tap-in that the Big Man has made his own. But Boydy was most exercised after Madjid Bougherra weaved his way through but failed to supply the killer ball. He went ballistic with the speed of a flying bullet. The superhero was in a super huff. His superpower had been unused. He disappeared thereafter. He can do that, too. As Rangers fans may yet find out in this transfer window. http://www.theherald.co.uk/sport/headlines...limited_run.php Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadaready 9,437 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Pretty wickedly aimed article. Wow. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlippinEck 3,705 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 He may not link up often enough, but he proved tonight when he does, we can end up scoring (something the writer failed to note in his article), twice when he played the ball down with his head, we ended up scoring, as has happened a good few times this season, if only he did it more often Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
outlaw69uk 123 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 haha shite article, was it written by someone on a forum? This bit is quite amusing, "The striker fired the ball across goal where Stuart McCaffrey supplied the finishing touch, presumably because superhero Boyd still can not be in two places at one time." Was a great ball into the box, and, Millers "attempt" summed up perfectly why I prefer my strikers (I struggle to categorise miller as a striker) in the box, with wingers playing it in Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
delparlane 5,660 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 haha shite article, was it written by someone on a forum? My thoughts exactly...pretty obvious where Mr. MacDonald's sympathies lie. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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