hellfirejet 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 On a old firm Scottish Cup final day, the Queen and the Pope were sitting in the main stand at Hampden discussing their power over their people. The Pope tells the Queen, "With one simple wave of my hand I can make my followers go crazy." "Prove it," says the Queen. The Pope then stood up, raises his hands in the air, and crosses him self the Popes beloved followers yelled, whistled, and clapped until he had lowered his hand. The Pope then sat back down and looked at the Queen to see what she had to say. The Queen sat for a moment deeply contemplating on how she could top his stunt. She then said to the Pope, with great confidence, "With a nod of my head I can not only make this crowd go wild, but give them a story so great they will tell their children, their children's children, and so on." "I highly doubt that," remarked the Pope. So the Queen stood up, moved over towards the Pope and stuck the heed on him,and the Rangers support went ballistic with joy! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForeverBlue_Since91 2,895 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Shite! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMac 1,405 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 King Billy's on his horse after the Battle of the Boyne and rides past King James who has his head in his hands. King Billy says "Cheer up in three hundred years time everyone will have forgotten about it" Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneDavidCooper 2,505 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 That is a fucking shit joke.If that is the best you have heard ever mate, I pity you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gogzy 31,195 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck_Fickens 425 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwhiteandblue 3,330 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 I heard that joke about 20 years ago.Thats is true btw. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLUEDIGNITY 33,647 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Catholic boy in confession says bless me father I have sinned . . I had a wank while thinking about my sister . . . Thats a disgrace said the priest!! . . . especially when you have 2 gorgeous young brothers ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellfirejet 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 I heard it the first time on the bus going to the 1973 Scottish Cup Final when big Tam Forsyth scored the winner after big Derek Johnstone had hit both posts with a header and big Tam reacted first to pounce,great day.Joke looses a bit when written down,it was very funny on the bus,but then again we were all pretty merry with drink don't you know. Not the best video but over 100,000 crowd what a game loved it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wullyRFC 5,230 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 This sums it up for me Seriously but, I knew the outcome as soon as I read the nod of the head. 2/10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
elephants stoned 2,994 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Oh dear its crap joke time again, my time to shine...... Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellfirejet 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 Ok folks lets all here your jokes,and we can vote on the best ones. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack1690 793 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Speaker at a Gers dinner opens up with "All celtic fans are fucken arseholes".Guy at the back shouts, "Im offended by that remark".Speaker says, "Sorry, are you a celtic fan"?Guy says, "Naw, I'm a fucken arsehole". Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear78 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 I heard it the first time on the bus going to the 1973 Scottish Cup Final when big Tam Forsyth scored the winner after big Derek Johnstone had hit both posts with a header and big Tam reacted first to pounce,great day.Joke looses a bit when written down,it was very funny on the bus,but then again we were all pretty merry with drink don't you know. Not the best video but over 100,000 crowd what a game loved it.Cheers for posting the video m8Scottish football looks much better in old games, most players can dribble and beat their man and so matches always look full of attacking football. Games also always look fast paced so it kind of calls into question idea that players of the past lacked the conditioning of players nowadays.love Greig's handball Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyc06 6,915 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 The Celtic scouts had been scouring the country for a new defender and at last a young man had been identified as a good prospect. He was asked to come to Celtic Park for a trial and did well enough to impress the management. The youth was a lifelong Celtic fan and was overjoyed at the thought of joining the club. The only remaining hurdle was the medical examination. The club doctor put the lad through all the tests and could find nothing to fault; the boy was in peak physical condition. It was only during a close physical examination that the doctor detected that the youth was circumcised. 'I'm sorry, son,' he told the boy, 'But I'm afraid I can't recommend the manager to take you on.' The lad was dumbfounded. 'How no?' he cried. 'Well,' said the doctor, 'Everybody knows you've got to be a complete dick to play for Celtic.' Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellfirejet 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 Q: How do you get a Celtic fan to stand up?A: Say "Will the defendant please rise." Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellfirejet 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 A Rangers fan and a Celtic fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The Rangers fan replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Celtic fan.The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Rangers fan replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..." Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
devref 201 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Cheers for posting the video m8Scottish football looks much better in old games, most players can dribble and beat their man and so matches always look full of attacking football. Games also always look fast paced so it kind of calls into question idea that players of the past lacked the conditioning of players nowadays.love Greig's handball you forgot to mention that they could take a tackle and get on with it.how many did we see in that clip that would have todays players throwing a tantrum and screaming at the ref for a card Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellfirejet 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 A Celtic supporting family were out shopping and ended up in a sports shop. Little Shaun suddenly puts on a Rangers shirt and says to his sister 'Look, I'm a Rangers fan!' His sister slaps him across the face and orders him to show their mum.He wanders over to his mum and says Ma look, 'I'm a Rangers fan' His mother also slaps him across the face and orders him to show his dad. He finds his dad and say's 'Da', da', I'm a Rangers fan' His dad looks at him and then he also slaps him across the face.On their way home in the car the family turn to him and say 'Well we hope you've learned something today' To which little Shaun replies 'Yeah, I've only been a Rangers fan for twenty minutes and I already hate you Celtic bastards!' Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
torquay gers 91 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 this is no joke----------WATP Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear78 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 you forgot to mention that they could take a tackle and get on with it.how many did we see in that clip that would have todays players throwing a tantrum and screaming at the ref for a card Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEARGER 339 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 This must be the poorest thread I've seen on RM. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
torquay gers 91 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 This must be the poorest thread I've seen on RM. TOO TRUE BLUE Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear78 96 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Video was good Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottBF2 3,540 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 That was worse than Gogzy's kitchen mate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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